Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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