Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He felt like a one man threesome
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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