I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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