I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
