Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
