she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
