My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
