Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
