i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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