there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
