I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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