So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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