All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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