my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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