Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
