I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize