she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize