Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just forgot I was standing up.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
