Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he was CRYING into my vagina
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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