Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
