just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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