shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize