I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
