I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
