I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
