walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
