That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
