i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
