he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
