before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
where are you?
Hypothermia
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
