the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
