3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
