i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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