oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
