My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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