My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
