Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
