Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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