if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
