I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
