Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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