I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
