Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I skipped work to stalk him.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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