tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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