The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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