The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
