girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Randomize
