you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
