I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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