So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize