i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
