Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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