so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
