you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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