Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Randomize
