That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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