Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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