the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
