no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
