The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
