I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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