I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
