wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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