once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
