Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So many bounce houses so little time
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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